Fun Run Afowl RDs share stories of panicked poultry and other dorm drama

Few job descriptions on a college campus are as open-ended as resident directors’. Recently, Classic staff sat down with Northwestern’s RDs and asked: “What goes on during your 24/7 work weeks?”

Classic: Let’s start at the beginning. What is your first week like after students arrive?

Ann Du Mez, Hospers Hall: The doors open at noon on Friday, but, of course, there’s always someone on the sidewalk with all their luggage at 9 a.m., waiting.

Brian Moriarty, Heemstra Hall: I usually get mistaken for a freshman. I’m trying to be helpful, going around to all the rooms, introducing myself, and I’m perceived as that awkward freshman who just can’t get enough of meeting new people.

Brandon Van Marel, Colenbrander Hall: I get asked why the air conditioner’s not on.

Seth Currier, West Hall: Parents like to arrange their sons’ rooms, which is hilarious. I’ll see two freshmen sitting on their beds, staring at each other while their parents make deals over who gets the desk by the window, who gets the top bunk.

Brian: I usually tell the students to come to me if there’s a problem. One of the first nights, I woke up around 4 a.m. to a freshman poking me in the shoulder …

Classic: You don’t lock your door?

Brian: I lost my key. Anyway, he’s poking me, and when I wake up he says, “I can’t sleep.” In the five seconds it took me to respond, I’m thinking, “Does he have a bedtime routine with his mom or something? Is he going to ask me to read him a story, rub his tummy—what?”

Brandon: I once had a kid call me to come and take his temperature.

Brian: Turns out his roommate was snoring, so I let him sleep in Heemstra’s prayer room. The snoring was bad the whole semester, but I kept telling him, “If you could learn to sleep through that, think what a valuable skill it would be.” He slept in the prayer room a lot.

Classic: At the risk of giving current students ideas, what pranks have been played in your halls?

Sara James, Stegenga Hall: It’s been a little lame lately. Nothing like the chickens.

Classic: The chickens?

Eric Anderson, director of residence life: I wish I’d kept that voicemail [from then-RD Lisa Burch]: “I don’t know what to do. They’re bleeding and killing each other. Help!” Two guys, from Heemstra and West, let 36 chickens loose in Stegenga Hall. Girls were coming out of their rooms, stepping on eggs and chicken dung …

Sara: … and then the chickens started pecking and killing each other. Maintenance arrives and starts throwing half-dead chickens in trash cans. To hear [maintenance director] Scott Simmelink tell it, it was hilarious—except for the cleanup. But to hear Lisa tell it, she was traumatized.

Classic: Speaking of mayhem, tell me about students breaking the rules.

Brandon: How long do you have? The Coly Christmas Bash—someone always gets in trouble at the Coly Christmas Bash. This year an RA told one of his guys to get a Christmas tree. So the student takes his axe …

Classic: … because he brought an axe to college, naturally.

Brandon: Naturally. He takes his axe behind Korver Field and cuts down a tree. The next morning I get a call from maintenance: “Uh, we’re missing a tree.” So we follow the pine needles to this kid’s room. He had to buy the college a new tree.

Lisa Barber, Fern Smith Hall: Fern has a tradition of naked snow angels—in the middle of the night, very secretive. One of the upperclassmen was trying to get the freshmen excited, and they weren’t buying it, so she whipped off her shirt and showed them how to do it—at 3:00 in the afternoon. She didn’t think it was any big deal.

Classic: Was she European?

Lisa: No, she was from Wisconsin. We made her write a paper on modesty.

Classic: Sounds like a riot. What keeps you at this job day after fun-filled day?

Sara: Hanging out with college students and getting paid for it—what better job is there?!

Seth: After college, I felt like God was calling me to ministry. This is a ministry.